You best not be stealing this!

I wrote this post awhile ago but never published it but I am tonight just to make my friends happy! This is for you, you know who you are!

As all of you should know, I am officially a Twilight hater now! Although I don’t understand why in the world people like this crap so much I have studied up on what makes them popular and I plan on using this information to write crappy books and become a billionaire! Here is my idea for my books……

The main character is a guy named Brad. He is human but is in love with a fairy named Steven. Yes, his name is Steven! Brad is gay! I decided to make the main characters gay because then anybody who hate my books automatically hates them because it’s about guy people and therefore is a bigot! Of course you can’t hate my books because they are crap, it has to be because of your bigotness!! Of course Brad and Steven can’t just be in love, there has to be a love-triangle! Mark is a zombie who is also in love with Brad and is trying to steal him away from Steven. The whole first book will be the boys falling “in-love” and Steven and Mark fighting over Brad.

(Isn't Mark such a hottie!!!Who wouldn't want to marry him?)

Book two will have an exciting twist in the story when the 2 lovers find out the Brad has been hiding something from them. There will be a bunch of dramatic crap happen to lead up to the guys finding out that Brad is dying of cancer. I think I’ll make it Breast Cancer. Breast Cancer really does affect about 1% of guys and I’m all about helping people by making them aware of problems they could be facing and not know it. What can I say, I’m a giver!!!

The third book will focus on the struggle that Steven and Mark go through as they realize they can change Brad into either a fairy or a zombie ending his fight with breast cancer and all of his pain. But of course changing Brad isn’t easy. It would result in a war between the fairies and zombies. You will have to read my wonderful books to find out who wins that war. Just know its going to be the best war EVER!!!

The last book will be the lead up to Brad being changed! But of course there is just one little problem….. Steven and Mark have fallen in love while fighting to save Brad’s life! That’s all I can tell you about the last book. You’ll have to read it to find out what happens but be warned that somebody does die making it possible for a fairy/zombie baby to me adopted.

Since it’s pretty obvious that my books are going to be a huge success I have a few other ideas to make even more money off them.

1. The books will take place in my home town of Vista, California. That way, stupid teenage girls will come to Vista from all over the world thinking that she will be able to meet a creepy fairy/zombie who will fall in love with her and fight for her! Vista will be able to survive off of tourism alone and will be the richest city in the country!

2. The main “heartthrob” will live in a neighborhood and house with a description that matched my mom’s house perfectly. That way my mom will be able to sell her house for billions of dollars and move out of the ghetto!

3. I’m sure Hollywood will want to make a movie based on the awesomeness that will be my books but I will only let them if they will agree to make the worst possible movies EVER! It will be written into the contract that they have to hold auditions and choose the worst actors who try out. Also they can not choose actors who are good looking. They must be creepy and ugly. It doesn’t matter that my descriptions in the book will make them sound like the most perfect person to ever walk the earth. The guys in the movie must be creepy!!

I’m sure you all can’t wait for my books to come out!! But believe me it will so be worth it!!